The Eye of the Hurricane

 So, here I am; October, 2011. Almost 1 year from my first marathon in December of 2010.  I need to go back to that date so you understand where this all 'started'.

A week or so prior to running that marathon, something was 'off'. I could feel it. It's hard to explain the feeling but it was if my soul had the flu. Nothing was wrong, but at the same time, nothing was right. What could it be ? I was healthy. I had a great job. A healthy family. I was in great shape. What the hell was wrong. I shrugged it off, or at least tried to, hoping it was just a 'funk' or something of the sort.

Days after the marathon, the feeling lingered.  There are a lot of things I'm not very good at,  but there is one thing that I know; I have a wicked intuition that has never steered me wrong.  I knew, I was in the eye of the storm; the Eye of the Hurricane, if you will. All was calm in my little bubble. But I knew, there was a ton of chaos going on around me and one shift of the winds was going to cause a chain reaction of events that would change my life forever.  Damn, was I right.

 ( It rained. The entire 26.2, thus the extreme sogginess above ^ ^ )

Months passed by - February 2011. To get me out of the 'funk', DH planned a short trip to Chicago, hoping to lift my spirits a bit.  I fell in love w/ the city.

I returned home, still not able to shake this feeling. I decided to sign up for another marathon - maybe that would help. I searched and searched - and I found one: The Chicago Marathon. My spirits were lifted. I started posting in the Chicago Boards on Runnersworld.com and became a regular.

My weekly mileage had suffered a bit due to bad weather in the winter months and this 'funk' that was taking it's toll on me; I was constantly fatigued .  After my family urging me to go to the doctor, I finally cave in and decide to make an appointment. I was asked a few questions and prescribed some pills ; ' take two of these and call me in the morning' sorta' thing. I left w/ a prescription, but didn't take any pills for a while.

Months rolled on and spring 2011 was here.  Still feeling quite 'off'...not myself at all. Just sorta' going through the motions but very disconnected from everything going on around me. My real estate office closed down, so I parked my real estate license w/ another broker - no big deal. My job w/ my current builder group was on shaky ground as the builders were suffering in the bad economy. I wasn't too worried; I had enough money and enough closings coming up to carry me for quite some time w/o having to make any more money.

I had a bunch of closings at the same time this spring. Those contracts were written under the old company's name, so I had to get paid from the company that had closed it's doors a month or so before - again, no big deal. Well, it was taking a bit longer for them to turn around and pay me, I didn't think much of it - I'd make some calls to see when those checks were mailed to me. Like a scene from a movie, I was at home w/ the news on; the local news - and a story caught my attention - about that same real estate company filing bankruptcy and a bunch of Realtors were not going to get paid on their recent sales. Uh Oh. My phone rang - a colleague, telling me the news : anything left with that company - any 'paydays' I had coming in - those funds were gone. I wouldn't see a dime. That will hurt the vacation fund, I'm quite sure. And the 'shift' of the storm was upon me, ever so slightly. My 'calm' bubble' was feeling the winds at this point.

Marathon Tours 'Back Door' : Seven Continents Club :)

I threw myself into my running - or at least tried to. The days were getting warmer and summer was on it's way. I had heard about The London Marathon in 2012. For some reason or another, this one intrigued me. Not sure why, there are tons of marathons to run - but this one had a magnetic draw to it. I inquired about it from some people on the boards - I wasn't sure how to 'get in' to that marathon, as you have to be a resident of the UK usually. Overseas applications were hard to come by and I surely wasn't going to get selected. I found out about the 'back door' entry through Marathon Tours.
I looked into and kept it in mind - I wanted to do this one. But at the same time, I had that wicked intuition kicking in : I felt like the decision to run this marathon or not to,  carried more 'heftiness' than just 'do I want to run this race or another'. I decide to leave this decision on the burner to simmer for a bit, and think on it for a while.

Another 'shift' of the storm : Summer was upon us and I was ramping up my mileage or trying to - my running was suffering. I couldn't breath. I'm not talking about being winded at mile 15 after a killer hill workout. I'm saying by my first 10 strides , I couldn't breath. My heart rate would skyrocket. I didn't understand what was going on; cardio was always my strength. What the hell happened ? Maybe those earlier months of lower mileage had taken their toll on me ? Was it the summer heat ? I know what it is -  it MUST be that I'm not working hard enough. So I thew myself into some insane crosstraining; 14, 16 + hours a week of HARD crosstraining and running. It didn't improve, but I kept pushing, plugging away at it. 

The time was here, I had to decide on whether or not to go for the London Marathon. I asked DH for his blessing. He wasn't thrilled about the idea. Fine. I won't do it. Then out of the blue, he called me one day and said 'go for it'. Fine. I will. My application was sent to Marathon Tours. Part of me wanted to get in very badly. But the other part wasn't so sure. 


Meantime, I'm loving all my new found friends on the RW boards. Such a huge support system - I had 'imaginary friends' that I could connect with - they 'got it'. They understood. It has been such an instrumental part of me getting through this year - and I've thought of those 'friends' in the harder times when I need an extra dose of HTFU.

A few weeks passed I received the news : I was in. London, 2012. Olympic year. 26.2. I'm there. And I was thrilled. A ball was in motion; I had plans for this one. I wanted to qualify for The Boston Marathon here, in London. According to past race times, this was totally doable. Time was on my side - I had plenty of time to train and prepare. And as with anything, time will tell if I can deliver. I have my work cut out for me.

DH and I were to go to Germany at the end of July. Those plans didn't pan out due to his work schedule, so I took an unexpected trip instead, a short one - I notice while away that I'm retaining 'some' water. I blame the travel. I return home, first of August 2011. This 'water retention' gets worse. I begin to sleep 15+ hours a day. Something was wrong. I had been in the Eye of the Storm for a while now, with the occasional shift of the winds causing it to get quite rainy and windy in my bubble. Well, those shifts of the wind were not going to be so subtle this time - I was about to be side swiped by this storm - and things were not going to be the same.

6 days after my return from my trip, I head to the doctor. At this point, the water retention and extreme fatigue is so bad, I can't do anything - I mean - I can't take care of my son. I can't get out of bed. Something is wrong.

 I was sent immediately to the hospital as the doctors feared I was having kidney failure. Test after test, the results came in: My liver and thyroid function were off. They ruled out liver disease but my thyroid function was off. I had a condition called hashimoto's autoimmune thyroiditis. Some medication - along w/ a diuretic to rid myself of the water retention can fix that. Fabulous, let's get on with it. I have The Chicago Marathon to run in a few weeks.

First Trip to Hospital, tests to be done ' STAT' , Doctor's Orders !

I've become an 'expert' on this disorder, obviously. And have found out a side effect to this fancy condition : intolerance to exercise and heat. Sometimes. At other times, extreme fatigue - similar to what I had at the end of last year, start of 2011. Ah. Full Circle. I'm lucky my heart didn't explode during the summer when I was pushing myself, unable to breath, with a heart rate that was skyrocketing, thinking it must be that I'm not 'working myself hard enough'. Apparently, there was more going on than I was aware of, or would have ever imagine. I'm extremely lucky.

By mid to late August, FINALLY - I can run - and BREATH ! I was elated. That joy of running, the ease of it - it was back. I was back. And thrilled. I had A LOT to make up for. My mileage went quickly back to 50 mpw. Then 60mpw. Before I knew it, I was running close to 70mpw. Oops. Big mistake. BIG mistake.  Another shift in this storm. My calves had been hurting, but now they were killing me. And that tightness had caused me to get plantar fascitis. I was in pain, a lot of pain.  A trip to a sports doctor in September and I got the news : Running Chicago on October 9th, 2011 was not in the cards. I would be in a world of hurt and more than likely, create more of an injury that could possibly prevent me from running for months. I was crushed. I had to let Chicago go; another day I suppose, it was not my race to run this year.  My eyes were now firmly fixated on London.

End of September - another trip - and something else - water retention came back. A LOT of it. Referred by my doctor to an endocrinologist - more tests - thyroid is fine thanks to the medicine. A CT scan is performed to check my kidneys and liver, to rule out any 'life threatening disease'. From what they can see, all my vital organs are fine.

This was very SciFi, I must admit. Kinda' cool once I got use to it.

So here I am, not quite sure what's going on w/ my body and these drastic shifts. Things are 'better' at this 3rd week of October. What the future holds, I'm not sure. I'm not out of the storm yet, that's for sure. I'm nursing the calf issue and the PF, along w/ whatever else is going on internally. Hoping for the best and some answers. Soon. A portion of my life has been on hold for some time now and quite frankly, I don't 'idle' well. I'm ready to 'go'; I am in 'go mode'. I'm ready to get on with it, and put these health challenges and injuries in the rear view mirror.

I always look for the positive, in everything. So, what has this year of company failures, financial surprises, mystery health challenges and disappointing injuries that sidelined me from the racing  - what could the Silver Lining be ? What have I learned ? Hmm.

I've learned what NOT to take for granted, that's for sure. Just because you run one marathon, doesn't give you a guarantee that you'll be able to run another. Don't take getting to the start line, healthy, for granted, whatever your 'start line' may be.

I've learned that, while you're riding a good wave, friends are bountiful. But when there's a shift of the tide and the wind starts to howl ? It's interesting to see who will ride out the storm with you - and who will turn their back. You find out a lot about people and their character when the going gets tough. And that can be a hard pill to swallow, but a necessary one.

I've learned that people - near or far, real or "imaginary" - make all the difference.  Surround yourself with good people that bring out the best in you - and WANT good things for you, as you do for them. It matters.

And this last lesson has been hard for me to come to terms with, as I'm not sure how I feel about this one :  I've learned that 'okay' is not good enough. 'Good' isn't good enough. Not for me. I wish it were. It would be easier if it were. 'Settling' isn't in my vocabulary.   I suppose I'm not wired that way. I want 'great'. I don't want to 'coast'. I want to fly. And that's a scary thought, because I'm not quite sure where I'll land. But I know this - if I'm standing on the edge about to step off, one of two things will happen: either I'll find my wings and learn to fly, or I'll land on solid ground...and I'm quite sure I'd hit the ground running :)