The Tighter You Hold Onto Something...

I received a SPAM email the other day and for whatever reason, I opened it instead of hitting 'delete'. Its message was simple and precise and could not have come at a better time:


" The tighter you try and hold on to something... the more you are pushing it away. "

Hell, there's even a song w/ the lyrics '...hold on loosely, but don't let go...'   I've always understood what they meant by this and have TRIED to apply it to my everyday (control freak/Type A(nal) life.  Sometimes I succeed. Other times, not so much. :)

But that is me - to a 'T'. It's one of my many faults. I like to hold on tight.  The good news is, I know this is a flaw and I try to loosen the grip a bit and not 'control' things that at the end of the day, I never had control over anyway.

In my career, this is probably not a bad thing, I suppose. I usually 'hold on' until I get the answer I want. Not a horrible quality in that regard. 

Work Awards. Yay.

In my running/racing...I may be a tad too stubborn and want to squeeze the heck out of a ' goal time' until I get it...again, not horrible...but it may have caused me to ignore some real signs that I was pushing too hard, thus putting me on the DL when maybe  had I 'loosened the grip' some, I wouldn't be sidelined now.  

Pre Race - Hopefully I'll be doing this again SOON :)

But in terms of relationships, this is a flaw I've had to curb quite a bit.  With my 9 year old, for example - his volcano project that he did ALL BY HIMSELF and he was so proud - and I was EXTREMELY proud of him, too !! And as I praised the work he did, there was a voice inside of me screaming ' that's not to scale...THAT IS NOT TO SCALE '.  Fortunately, I can curb this inner voice...as I was VERY proud of his work :) 

Joe and his AWESOME Volcano :)

But in regard to the original quote about the 'tighter your hold onto something, the more you push it away', I didn't correlate that quote and my health until it hit me smack in the head one night last week when I was briefly sidetracked - pleasantly so - and I forgot for a few short moments about the thought that has been FRONT AND CENTER on my mind for the last few months...I forgot, temporarily, about all this medical/doctor/crap that I've had on my mind for too long now...and I actually ENJOYED myself and 'lived in the moment' for a few minutes. I realized then - that I can't control the outcome or the speed at which answers will be found; I can only control the way I react to it all, and what I do with my time in the interim. It's far more pleasurable ENJOYING the ride, instead of worrying.  I have to go with the flow - and let the rest of it go...sorta'.

12 hours after that moment, for the first time in months - I had concrete answers from my doctor. Progress. A step forward. More to sort out, but I was elated . And those answers came not when I was trying to figure it all out and pushing for answers and worrying. Those answers came when I took a step back and enjoyed what was going on around me. And not a second before.

In reality, this is not the monorail with a clear, precise line that I can see in front of me at all times. This is the roller coaster we call 'life'. And there are highs and lows and twists and turns that you never see coming.  Some make you feel sick to your stomach - and others take your breath away. And what fun is it to 'hold on tight', when you can put your arms up in the air and enjoy the ride, right ?
:)