A New Year !!

Wow. 2012. I've said it a million times before, Time Flies.

Beating a dead horse, 2011 DEFINITELY was a challenging one for me.  Things did NOT go as planned, in more ways than one. My highly anticipated Chicago Marathon was a DNS. Injuries and what has now been a diagnosis of 'adrenal exhaustion' kept me from even getting on the plane to the fabulous city of Chicago. Heartbroken in more ways than one about the circumstances that developed during the summer and fall, but such is life. And life goes on.

Despite all the challenges, I'm thankful for the year I had - there was an incredible amount of 'good' that came from 2011, too. I learned A TON. It is definitely true, you learn more about yourself when the going gets tough, then when you're riding high. I saw what my weakness are, areas I need to work on, what's truly important to me, and at the end of the day,  things I really need to let go of.

In terms of running, I've never been in an 'injury' situation before, where I couldn't run. That certainly changed this summer and fall. And while I knew all along how important this activity has become to my daily life - how it is a lifestyle, more than a hobby - this was driven home even more when I wasn't able to run for a period of time. But I also learned that there's more to being a 'runner' that just partaking in a footrace; it's not just the training runs and the racing, it is also about the people you meet along the way. I've met so many amazing people that encourage and inspire me, without even knowing it - and while some of them I've met  live and in living colour, others are still my online, 'imaginary friends' that I hope to meet in person, soon. The running community has definitely been a 'rock' during some tougher times over the last few months. I could never say enough 'thank yous' to the people that have hung around during some more trying times, provided some comic relief, listened to me whine, given me sound advice - and just hearing/reading THEIR personal pains and triumphs - it has been humbling, to say the least, and I'm thankful for it.  Being surrounded by people that want the best for you - as you do for them - matters.

So, as I'm starting my journey back to get some higher mileage running in after a few months of being injured, I realized a few things - I love to run the distance. I must have forgotten this somewhere along the line, but I never liked shorter training runs - or races, for that matter. Even with the triathlons. I love to go far. Sometimes 'far' may be 17 or 18. And sometimes - not often enough for me - far may mean 26.2...or longer ? I've also realized that I complain far too much about the weather :) I need a strong dose of 'HTFU' (  Harden The F*$k Up) when it comes to dealing w/ 'cold' and humidity .

So,  I'm ready for an amazing year and I feel like it will be. I have some fantastic races planned; the Cary March Madness Half Marathon outside of Chicago in March, where a lot of those 'imaginary/online friends' will become real ( that's the only reason I'm doing this one, by the way...March in Chicago is COLD :) .

Cary March Madness Half. Please Note, there's snow. A LOT of it : /

The London Marathon in April which will be a super special one for me...it's been like a beacon of light in the middle of a storm  - and a huge motivator on my recovery and getting 'better'. I have to be there for it. And I have to be firing on all cylinders and ready to go. I'm incredibly determined to make that happen and if that's the case - it will happen. I'll be ready. I have visualized this race a million times or more, over and over in my mind. I am SO determined to 'MSH' (Make Shit Happen ) , and get there, healthy and 100% - I'll be ready.

Towers Bridge, London Marathon :)

Then a short triathlon in Atlanta in May - then the Berlin Marathon in September. Another one I'm super excited about as this will probably be more 'goal/PR' related for me - it's a fast course and I'd like to run it well.

Berlin Marathon :)

You hear it all the time from runners, how the sport of running parallels life. It's so true. It's not the good, total euphoria runs where you find out what you're made of - it's the hard ones. The times when you have to 'dig deep' and fight for it - when all you want to do is stop, walk, quit, throw in the towel - whatever. THOSE are the runs where you hear your weaknesses creeping in - and you shut them up. Because you know, there is no 'short cut' . There is no way 'around' the total suckage you're going through at that moment of the run. The only way, is through it. And that's what you do, you go through that suckage and finish it,  always happy you hung tight.  And you come back next time stronger - better. Always. I've anchored myself to this analogy a lot - 'go through it - and come back better than before.'

So - I have to be thankful for the year that's now behind me - those challenges taught me a lot, helped me realize some weakness, see some true colours in people and made me realize what's important - and what's not.  And while I think I have a very cool year of racing ahead, I'm sure there will be other surprises and a changing of the tides this year of 2012 will bring, too. There will, without a doubt, be some 'change' this year and that's certainly scary and leaves me feeling a bit vulnerable...the whole 'unknown'...as I'm not quite sure where I'll land. But as I've said before : if you're standing on a cliff and about to jump off, one of two things will happen  - either you'll find your wings to fly or you'll land on solid ground. And you can bet I'll hit the ground running :)

Pfft. A Giant Step Back & Running Forward Again

November 26th, Twenty Eleven. This means January 1st, Twenty Twelve will be here in the blink of an eye. Thank God.

So, recap of the last few months. I got sick. A total of 7 doctors and specialists, blood drawn a total of 35 different times since August 6th,  a CT scan, a radio active XRay, 1 Chinese Acupuncturist ( and a partridge in a Pear Tree ?) No. And a diagnosis. Finally.

One of the many tests to be done 'ASAP', per dr's orders

"What I think you have is 'Adrenal Fatigue Syndrome' ". 
 This was what my last doctor said to me during my latest visit. The voice inside my head was wondering, 'what do you mean 'you think ? '  But he seemed convinced, although there's no special blood test to confirm - 'yep, this is it'. He seemed to have it pegged. I had every symptom and all the events leading up to the moment of the first medical 'episode' would indicate that yes, this was the proper diagnosis. It's caused from too much 'stress'.

It's been a wild year, full of extreme, complete overload of stress and pressure.  On top of that, I was training for a full marathon and a half ironman over the summer, and apparently, the body equates this as stress, too. PLUS, I was not eating properly. My normal 'spot on' nutrition was anything but that. I was skipping meals,  not sleeping through the night - you name any bad habit, I was doing it....Ten Fold.  And my body was trying to tell me that - I was hurting. I was in pain.  I was so tired. And I completely ignored it, and kept doing more and more and more. And finally, my body just stopped working. Totally. It was TICKED OFF at me and oh my god, it was about to tell me just how pissed off it was ( see 'Eye of the Hurricane' post for a full list of symptoms :)

I learn that the adrenal glands have everything to do with everything. They pump put all the hormones, the 'fight or flight' stressors we get when we're in a 'stressed out/life threatening' situation. And apparently, I was putting these glands on overdrive. I was constantly in a 'fight or flight' mode - they never had time to recover as they normally should. This equates to a decrease in immune system function. And then they exhaust themselves, which leads to a whole bunch of unwelcome side effects.

So great, now we have a diagnosis, we 'think'. A real one this time. Where's the pill to 'fix it' ? I was ready to pop a few ASAP. This is when I'm informed - there is no 'cure' for it. No pill. Nada.
Huh ? You mean to tell me, we can send peeps up to hang out on the moon and build little cities up there  and shit, and there's no pill to fix my adrenal glands - so they feel all comfy/cozy again and we can reverse all this damage they've inflicted on my body ? To make me feel better ? Are you friggin' kidding me ?!? Nope, not kidding.

I'm told to find a 'balance' between work/life/training  - and to remove stress from my life. HA !!! This truly made me laugh out loud. Stress is my middle name ! This is what I do, this is how I function - if I'm not stressed, I'm not breathing.  Give me a high stress situation and watch me shine. Put me in the mundane and watch me unravel. I like fast pace. I like to 'do'. Not idle. I don't idle well.

I'm told to correct the damage I've done on my adrenals, full recovery is about 6 months. While the recovery time is a long process, the ability to have a setback is quite easy - do too much, and I'm back at square one again. But a full recovery is possible. IF ( that's a big 'if' ) I take it easy. Remove some of the daily stress factors. Cut back on the training ( as the body does not know the difference between 'mental' stress and 'physical' stress - it is one and the same as far as the body is concerned. And training for a marathon, stresses the body to some extent). I'm told I need to learn to ' R E L A X '.

I inform my doctor about my next race that is very important for me to partake in. The London Marathon in April, 2012. If I'm not able to run that one, it would crush me. I already had to give up Chicago. My eyes fixated on London - it's the one thing I've been looking forward to. I'm not prepared to give that up.

A plan is created from my doctor that I'm suppose to 'stick to', and it's only slightly sketchy.  Chill out from work/life stresses BIG TIME.  And keep my workouts minimal until January 1, 2012. From there, I'll be allowed to ramp my mileage/workouts back up slowly to get me to London. I need to re-visit my goals for that race as the date draws near. But the start line healthy ? That's my 'A' goal right now. Along with the finish line. I have a goal time in mind, but I'm going to have to realistically evaluate this as time goes on.

So, with my new 'goal' of 'chilling out' more, I totally left town for a week. I went to Florida and removed myself from everything that's been cranking out a stress response from me. I think part of the pressure that's put me on the DL for the last few months is from the question I keep asking myself but struggle to find the answer : 'where do you want to go ? what do you want to do ? what do you want to do with the rest of your life ? '. Not sure why those questions are coming up now, but they are and there's so much uncertainty that goes along w/ those answers. That causes some self-inflicted anxiety. But,  I read this quote today, and it helped me breath a little bit easier - as it lifted some of that fog on those open ended questions : “Don't be afraid to give up the good to go for the great.”   This is from JD Rockefeller. And it made me feel...better. Not 'guilty' about wanting more, which is how I've been feeling about wanting 'more'. This helped some.

Daily beach walk to see the sunset :)

But going to Florida was beneficial for me. I was able to do some easy runs ( aside from the day I got lost and ended up doing 13.4, but I blame that on Mapquest for giving shitty directions ). I can tell my lactate threshold has declined and this is sorta' upsetting...not just that , but the fact that I feel I've gone backwards because of all of this - that's not a great feeling. But I'm trying to be optimistic this can come back quickly.  Plus, I'm not pushing too hard on my runs the last few weeks, so who knows what that will be when I truly start training again.

Beach Run !

So - who knew ? Who knew 'stress' could have this sort of effect. Funny...while in Florida I met a woman who was just stunning - amazing lady. She, too, was a bit overloaded. She was having 'blackouts'...she would blackout in the middle of a conversation. Forget chunks of her days, her hair was falling out at one point. The problem ( after many, many doctor visits ) ? Stress. Huh. That sucks. It's no joke, I've learned.

So, the last four months have been a giant step in the wrong direction when it comes to my running. Pfft.  That can be a bit heartbreaking. My Chinese Acupuncture dude - who's awesome - gave me some sound advice - 'what do you do if you want to throw a ball forward ? You pull your arm back. Sometimes you have to go back - to go forward.'  I get it. And I'm ready to go forward, in a big way. A full '26.2 kinda' way :)

The Tighter You Hold Onto Something...

I received a SPAM email the other day and for whatever reason, I opened it instead of hitting 'delete'. Its message was simple and precise and could not have come at a better time:


" The tighter you try and hold on to something... the more you are pushing it away. "

Hell, there's even a song w/ the lyrics '...hold on loosely, but don't let go...'   I've always understood what they meant by this and have TRIED to apply it to my everyday (control freak/Type A(nal) life.  Sometimes I succeed. Other times, not so much. :)

But that is me - to a 'T'. It's one of my many faults. I like to hold on tight.  The good news is, I know this is a flaw and I try to loosen the grip a bit and not 'control' things that at the end of the day, I never had control over anyway.

In my career, this is probably not a bad thing, I suppose. I usually 'hold on' until I get the answer I want. Not a horrible quality in that regard. 

Work Awards. Yay.

In my running/racing...I may be a tad too stubborn and want to squeeze the heck out of a ' goal time' until I get it...again, not horrible...but it may have caused me to ignore some real signs that I was pushing too hard, thus putting me on the DL when maybe  had I 'loosened the grip' some, I wouldn't be sidelined now.  

Pre Race - Hopefully I'll be doing this again SOON :)

But in terms of relationships, this is a flaw I've had to curb quite a bit.  With my 9 year old, for example - his volcano project that he did ALL BY HIMSELF and he was so proud - and I was EXTREMELY proud of him, too !! And as I praised the work he did, there was a voice inside of me screaming ' that's not to scale...THAT IS NOT TO SCALE '.  Fortunately, I can curb this inner voice...as I was VERY proud of his work :) 

Joe and his AWESOME Volcano :)

But in regard to the original quote about the 'tighter your hold onto something, the more you push it away', I didn't correlate that quote and my health until it hit me smack in the head one night last week when I was briefly sidetracked - pleasantly so - and I forgot for a few short moments about the thought that has been FRONT AND CENTER on my mind for the last few months...I forgot, temporarily, about all this medical/doctor/crap that I've had on my mind for too long now...and I actually ENJOYED myself and 'lived in the moment' for a few minutes. I realized then - that I can't control the outcome or the speed at which answers will be found; I can only control the way I react to it all, and what I do with my time in the interim. It's far more pleasurable ENJOYING the ride, instead of worrying.  I have to go with the flow - and let the rest of it go...sorta'.

12 hours after that moment, for the first time in months - I had concrete answers from my doctor. Progress. A step forward. More to sort out, but I was elated . And those answers came not when I was trying to figure it all out and pushing for answers and worrying. Those answers came when I took a step back and enjoyed what was going on around me. And not a second before.

In reality, this is not the monorail with a clear, precise line that I can see in front of me at all times. This is the roller coaster we call 'life'. And there are highs and lows and twists and turns that you never see coming.  Some make you feel sick to your stomach - and others take your breath away. And what fun is it to 'hold on tight', when you can put your arms up in the air and enjoy the ride, right ?
:)

Things I Love. Today :)

I love my Newton running shoes. Love. Them. I have a few pairs, some I will admit, I love more than others. For various reasons: my Pink Racers :

Pink Racers 

I'll admit it; I love these for the color. Of course, they're super light, which is what you'd expect from Newton. And just overall, totally cool. I'd like to try the Newton MV2's out but I think that might be too minimalist of a shoe for me. Maybe for a short run they'd be okay...but I'm not sure I could take them very far. 'Tis okay. I have my fill with these guys above, AND.....


...my favorite RUNNING shoe, the ones I train in most every day :

Harvery, being told to 'back away' from my favorite running shoes of all time.

This pair of Newtons seem to work best for me. I was a very lucky girl, I was able to order and have custom orthotics made from the designers at Newton Running Labs in Boulder..everyone I spoke w/ at the company was fantastic. I gave them a run down of my 'niggles' I was feeling during my runs. I was given some simple changes / drills to do to tweak my stride ever so slightly - and wow, it made a HUGE difference.

So aside from the Newton Running shoes, I love the company. I'm a firm believer - if you are passionate about something, you'll be a success. There's no doubt these people are passionate about what they do. It shows.

I've found a new love in trail running. Wow. What is it about trail running ? I can go forever up much more difficult terrain, steeper climbs, and I just seem to fly.  Don't get me wrong, I still have that passion for running on the roads through windy streets, but I'm so glad I decided to go off the beaten path a few months back and 'head for the hills'...the heavily wooded hills, that is. I can't wait to do more of it and hopefully get an Ultra in one day, quite possibly on a trail run.

One of the Trails I run

I don't run this one too often as it's not very long, but it is a nice view from the top :)

Another thing that I love, today: One of my favorite holidays of all time : HALLOWEEN !!! I love Halloween. In part because, it's just a huge party. Everyone is outside, laughing having a great time. Kids are running all over = active = energy being zapped = sleeping oh-so-well ( provided they don't OD on sugar ).

I also love Halloween because, aside from whatever treat you're to buy for the trick or treaters, there's no pressure to buy gifts for anyone else. Don't get me wrong, I love giving gifts; if the moment / mood strikes. I'm definitely a 'giver'. But I prefer to do so, not because it's February 14th and Hallmark tells me to, or because it's December 25th and...well...whomever thought it'd be a good idea to give gifts that day.  Same goes w/ receiving - I'm not 'good' at accepting things. But if I AM to ever be given something, catch me off guard. It means more, right ?

Oh, And. I'll admit it. Halloween, you get to dress up in ways that you normally wouldn't dress up. That's kinda' fun too :)

Pilot, w/ the name badge 'MiMi Later'. Nice.

Race Car Driver. No Name Badge This Time :)

                              

                      

So, that's why I love Halloween. It's fun. And there are no expectations :) Except to have fun.


 Alas, Halloween will be over come Monday, October 31st. Thank God for Newton running shoes, trails, and all those other things that stick around throughout the year. Something to look forward to :)

Life is like a Muscle

So, we've all heard that saying, that you really only 'grow' during the difficult or hard times or things of the sort, right ?

I thought of this today, as I'm sitting in the endocrinologists office - again - waiting for the doctor to ask me an arsenal of questions, give me no answers, then proceed to take vials of blood hoping THIS TIME, they'll figure out what's been going on w/ me the last few months.

As I've said before, I try to find the good - or a lesson - in everything. So there I sat, wondering - what the hell have these last few months of medical mysteries that have knocked me on my ass and taken something away that I can never, ever get back : time ; where's the 'good' ? what's the 'lesson' ?

I dunno'.

But I thought of running, and how after a week of hellacious runs or a  training cycle that has shredded those muscle fibers  - when you break down the muscle - that pain and fatigue - you gotta' go through it. It's that breakdown of the muscle itself - you have to do it in order to get stronger. The recovery day, that's when the building up of strength occurs - but you've gotta' break it down before you can build it back up - it's all part of the process.

So, I'm anchoring myself to that;  that THIS pain, frustration, disappointment - I have to go through it...I am, without a doubt, broken down. But the strength and growing and the permanent improvement will be on it's way, soon.

The Eye of the Hurricane

 So, here I am; October, 2011. Almost 1 year from my first marathon in December of 2010.  I need to go back to that date so you understand where this all 'started'.

A week or so prior to running that marathon, something was 'off'. I could feel it. It's hard to explain the feeling but it was if my soul had the flu. Nothing was wrong, but at the same time, nothing was right. What could it be ? I was healthy. I had a great job. A healthy family. I was in great shape. What the hell was wrong. I shrugged it off, or at least tried to, hoping it was just a 'funk' or something of the sort.

Days after the marathon, the feeling lingered.  There are a lot of things I'm not very good at,  but there is one thing that I know; I have a wicked intuition that has never steered me wrong.  I knew, I was in the eye of the storm; the Eye of the Hurricane, if you will. All was calm in my little bubble. But I knew, there was a ton of chaos going on around me and one shift of the winds was going to cause a chain reaction of events that would change my life forever.  Damn, was I right.

 ( It rained. The entire 26.2, thus the extreme sogginess above ^ ^ )

Months passed by - February 2011. To get me out of the 'funk', DH planned a short trip to Chicago, hoping to lift my spirits a bit.  I fell in love w/ the city.

I returned home, still not able to shake this feeling. I decided to sign up for another marathon - maybe that would help. I searched and searched - and I found one: The Chicago Marathon. My spirits were lifted. I started posting in the Chicago Boards on Runnersworld.com and became a regular.

My weekly mileage had suffered a bit due to bad weather in the winter months and this 'funk' that was taking it's toll on me; I was constantly fatigued .  After my family urging me to go to the doctor, I finally cave in and decide to make an appointment. I was asked a few questions and prescribed some pills ; ' take two of these and call me in the morning' sorta' thing. I left w/ a prescription, but didn't take any pills for a while.

Months rolled on and spring 2011 was here.  Still feeling quite 'off'...not myself at all. Just sorta' going through the motions but very disconnected from everything going on around me. My real estate office closed down, so I parked my real estate license w/ another broker - no big deal. My job w/ my current builder group was on shaky ground as the builders were suffering in the bad economy. I wasn't too worried; I had enough money and enough closings coming up to carry me for quite some time w/o having to make any more money.

I had a bunch of closings at the same time this spring. Those contracts were written under the old company's name, so I had to get paid from the company that had closed it's doors a month or so before - again, no big deal. Well, it was taking a bit longer for them to turn around and pay me, I didn't think much of it - I'd make some calls to see when those checks were mailed to me. Like a scene from a movie, I was at home w/ the news on; the local news - and a story caught my attention - about that same real estate company filing bankruptcy and a bunch of Realtors were not going to get paid on their recent sales. Uh Oh. My phone rang - a colleague, telling me the news : anything left with that company - any 'paydays' I had coming in - those funds were gone. I wouldn't see a dime. That will hurt the vacation fund, I'm quite sure. And the 'shift' of the storm was upon me, ever so slightly. My 'calm' bubble' was feeling the winds at this point.

Marathon Tours 'Back Door' : Seven Continents Club :)

I threw myself into my running - or at least tried to. The days were getting warmer and summer was on it's way. I had heard about The London Marathon in 2012. For some reason or another, this one intrigued me. Not sure why, there are tons of marathons to run - but this one had a magnetic draw to it. I inquired about it from some people on the boards - I wasn't sure how to 'get in' to that marathon, as you have to be a resident of the UK usually. Overseas applications were hard to come by and I surely wasn't going to get selected. I found out about the 'back door' entry through Marathon Tours.
I looked into and kept it in mind - I wanted to do this one. But at the same time, I had that wicked intuition kicking in : I felt like the decision to run this marathon or not to,  carried more 'heftiness' than just 'do I want to run this race or another'. I decide to leave this decision on the burner to simmer for a bit, and think on it for a while.

Another 'shift' of the storm : Summer was upon us and I was ramping up my mileage or trying to - my running was suffering. I couldn't breath. I'm not talking about being winded at mile 15 after a killer hill workout. I'm saying by my first 10 strides , I couldn't breath. My heart rate would skyrocket. I didn't understand what was going on; cardio was always my strength. What the hell happened ? Maybe those earlier months of lower mileage had taken their toll on me ? Was it the summer heat ? I know what it is -  it MUST be that I'm not working hard enough. So I thew myself into some insane crosstraining; 14, 16 + hours a week of HARD crosstraining and running. It didn't improve, but I kept pushing, plugging away at it. 

The time was here, I had to decide on whether or not to go for the London Marathon. I asked DH for his blessing. He wasn't thrilled about the idea. Fine. I won't do it. Then out of the blue, he called me one day and said 'go for it'. Fine. I will. My application was sent to Marathon Tours. Part of me wanted to get in very badly. But the other part wasn't so sure. 


Meantime, I'm loving all my new found friends on the RW boards. Such a huge support system - I had 'imaginary friends' that I could connect with - they 'got it'. They understood. It has been such an instrumental part of me getting through this year - and I've thought of those 'friends' in the harder times when I need an extra dose of HTFU.

A few weeks passed I received the news : I was in. London, 2012. Olympic year. 26.2. I'm there. And I was thrilled. A ball was in motion; I had plans for this one. I wanted to qualify for The Boston Marathon here, in London. According to past race times, this was totally doable. Time was on my side - I had plenty of time to train and prepare. And as with anything, time will tell if I can deliver. I have my work cut out for me.

DH and I were to go to Germany at the end of July. Those plans didn't pan out due to his work schedule, so I took an unexpected trip instead, a short one - I notice while away that I'm retaining 'some' water. I blame the travel. I return home, first of August 2011. This 'water retention' gets worse. I begin to sleep 15+ hours a day. Something was wrong. I had been in the Eye of the Storm for a while now, with the occasional shift of the winds causing it to get quite rainy and windy in my bubble. Well, those shifts of the wind were not going to be so subtle this time - I was about to be side swiped by this storm - and things were not going to be the same.

6 days after my return from my trip, I head to the doctor. At this point, the water retention and extreme fatigue is so bad, I can't do anything - I mean - I can't take care of my son. I can't get out of bed. Something is wrong.

 I was sent immediately to the hospital as the doctors feared I was having kidney failure. Test after test, the results came in: My liver and thyroid function were off. They ruled out liver disease but my thyroid function was off. I had a condition called hashimoto's autoimmune thyroiditis. Some medication - along w/ a diuretic to rid myself of the water retention can fix that. Fabulous, let's get on with it. I have The Chicago Marathon to run in a few weeks.

First Trip to Hospital, tests to be done ' STAT' , Doctor's Orders !

I've become an 'expert' on this disorder, obviously. And have found out a side effect to this fancy condition : intolerance to exercise and heat. Sometimes. At other times, extreme fatigue - similar to what I had at the end of last year, start of 2011. Ah. Full Circle. I'm lucky my heart didn't explode during the summer when I was pushing myself, unable to breath, with a heart rate that was skyrocketing, thinking it must be that I'm not 'working myself hard enough'. Apparently, there was more going on than I was aware of, or would have ever imagine. I'm extremely lucky.

By mid to late August, FINALLY - I can run - and BREATH ! I was elated. That joy of running, the ease of it - it was back. I was back. And thrilled. I had A LOT to make up for. My mileage went quickly back to 50 mpw. Then 60mpw. Before I knew it, I was running close to 70mpw. Oops. Big mistake. BIG mistake.  Another shift in this storm. My calves had been hurting, but now they were killing me. And that tightness had caused me to get plantar fascitis. I was in pain, a lot of pain.  A trip to a sports doctor in September and I got the news : Running Chicago on October 9th, 2011 was not in the cards. I would be in a world of hurt and more than likely, create more of an injury that could possibly prevent me from running for months. I was crushed. I had to let Chicago go; another day I suppose, it was not my race to run this year.  My eyes were now firmly fixated on London.

End of September - another trip - and something else - water retention came back. A LOT of it. Referred by my doctor to an endocrinologist - more tests - thyroid is fine thanks to the medicine. A CT scan is performed to check my kidneys and liver, to rule out any 'life threatening disease'. From what they can see, all my vital organs are fine.

This was very SciFi, I must admit. Kinda' cool once I got use to it.

So here I am, not quite sure what's going on w/ my body and these drastic shifts. Things are 'better' at this 3rd week of October. What the future holds, I'm not sure. I'm not out of the storm yet, that's for sure. I'm nursing the calf issue and the PF, along w/ whatever else is going on internally. Hoping for the best and some answers. Soon. A portion of my life has been on hold for some time now and quite frankly, I don't 'idle' well. I'm ready to 'go'; I am in 'go mode'. I'm ready to get on with it, and put these health challenges and injuries in the rear view mirror.

I always look for the positive, in everything. So, what has this year of company failures, financial surprises, mystery health challenges and disappointing injuries that sidelined me from the racing  - what could the Silver Lining be ? What have I learned ? Hmm.

I've learned what NOT to take for granted, that's for sure. Just because you run one marathon, doesn't give you a guarantee that you'll be able to run another. Don't take getting to the start line, healthy, for granted, whatever your 'start line' may be.

I've learned that, while you're riding a good wave, friends are bountiful. But when there's a shift of the tide and the wind starts to howl ? It's interesting to see who will ride out the storm with you - and who will turn their back. You find out a lot about people and their character when the going gets tough. And that can be a hard pill to swallow, but a necessary one.

I've learned that people - near or far, real or "imaginary" - make all the difference.  Surround yourself with good people that bring out the best in you - and WANT good things for you, as you do for them. It matters.

And this last lesson has been hard for me to come to terms with, as I'm not sure how I feel about this one :  I've learned that 'okay' is not good enough. 'Good' isn't good enough. Not for me. I wish it were. It would be easier if it were. 'Settling' isn't in my vocabulary.   I suppose I'm not wired that way. I want 'great'. I don't want to 'coast'. I want to fly. And that's a scary thought, because I'm not quite sure where I'll land. But I know this - if I'm standing on the edge about to step off, one of two things will happen: either I'll find my wings and learn to fly, or I'll land on solid ground...and I'm quite sure I'd hit the ground running :)

Ex.Hau.Sted.

6/25/2010

Soooo, I've been running about 50 miles a week at a minimum, and crosstraining ( bike and swim) on top of that. My workouts are 6 days a week...in a row ( Sun thru Fri) and last anywhere from 2hours to 3 hours long, with the exception of longer bike rides that push me beyond 4 hours.

My son is now officially a 3rd grader. School is back in session. What I thought would be an ease in my schedule with Joseph back at school has been anything but that. Homework, football, work, house, workouts, husband...you name it, I'm full throttle and tired.

My feet hit the ground at 4:20am and I don't 'relax' until about 8:40pm...20 minutes later I'm in bed and just completely, 100% wiped out....I'm finding my ability to do most things 'well', isn't working too...'well'. That sucks.